Guest Feature by Valerie Recore

I recently connected with Valerie through a mom group we’re both a part of and realized there are so many parallels between the silent load of motherhood and diet culture. So I asked Valerie to write a guest blog post. There are some great insights into how we can finally ditch our planners and whiteboards and bring in more simplicity into our homes. I really loved reading her post and know you will too!

Maybe you’ve thought if you could just find the perfect planner or app.

Schedule every minute of your day.

Then you would have more control over your days and get more done!

We’re conditioned, especially as women, to do it all. Make homemade, healthy dinners for our family. Have a spotlessly clean house. Show up and give our all to a paying job outside the home. And make sure our kids are well-behaved and well-dressed. Plus, we feel obligated to sign our kids up for multiple activities to help them grow into the best version of themselves.

We’re also reminded to take care of ourselves, whatever that means!

At some point, we realize this isn’t possible. So we start researching productivity hacks. Maybe we’re searching for the perfect app or planner. Because we think the question is how can I be more efficient? When the question should be, do I really need to be doing all of this?

Productivity hacks are great and they might work for a while. But eventually, they stop working. They don’t solve the underlying problem of too much to do and not enough time to do it. And planners and apps are useful tools but aren’t going to help you when there’s too much to do.

What if I told you that no matter how many planners you try, or hacks you research, you won’t get it all done in a day?

Simply getting everything documented and scheduled is not going to make your days run smoothly.

The secret to getting everything done is knowing what’s important today. It’s knowing your values and goals for yourself, your career, and your family.

It’s getting the right things done each day, not all the things. And learning to let go of the things that didn’t happen.

You can empty the drawer full of planners that you tried and didn’t like. You can delete the apps on your phone that are taking up space and not being used. Your kids can color all over the dry-erase calendar that you thought was the answer but haven’t updated in 6 months.

No more spending hours standing in the planner aisle at Target. Or hours online researching the best planner out there. Start by defining your values. Have a conversation with your partner about your values. Get your kids involved.

Identify your top 3-5 values. Then, compare your values with all of your commitments, activities, and tasks.

Is there alignment? Or are you doing things because you think you should be?

Is there anything you can start saying no to? Simplify? Start small. There’s no need to overhaul your life today.

But identifying these values and what they look like in your life helps you start moving forward in your life. In a way that feels good. Not just spinning your wheels.

And over time, your days start to feel a bit more expansive. And you start to feel a bit more in control. You don’t need the perfect planner or perfect app to keep yourself organized. They are helpful, but they’re tools.

What you need is fewer things on that list in the first place.

This might sound both simple and daunting at the same time. You’re thinking, lady, identifying my values and goals? I don’t have time for that! I need to get dinner on the table and that report written for work. And you’re right. The kids need to eat and work tasks need to happen.

But when you’ve put in the work to identify your values and goals for yourself, your career, and your family, you know what’s important to you. It’s a little bit easier to pick out the tasks moving you forward. And making sure those tasks happen helps you gain a sense of control.

This is one of the first steps I take with my clients. It’s also one of the first steps in implementing The Fair Play Method. And it greatly helps with reducing the mental load of motherhood.

Yes, it’s going to look different for you than your best friend or neighbor. Because your family and your values are unique to you.

You might realize that so much of what you’ve been doing is keeping up with the Joneses. That you’ve been wearing yourself out doing all these things you don’t like doing because you felt obligated to do them.

Someone shared with me how their son was signed up for soccer because it was the only way they would be able to spend time with the neighborhood kids. Everyone was signed up for soccer. But what if no one wanted to play soccer? They just all felt that was the only way they could be together. What if one or two families quit? Or at least talked to each other about it? It might have saved them all time and effort!.

It might feel like you don’t have time to do this work. But I promise you, even spending 10-15 minutes identifying your values and taking steps to live them in your life, will lead to more time in your days.

Try it. Your future self just might thank you!

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